8 Seconds.

I know I'm horrible for laughing at the expense of this poor guy. But, it has to be shared! At the beginning of the year, I met my first and onlyyyy minute-man. I don't even know if you can call him a minute-man.

After a few dates, I finally invited him up to my apartment. I wasn't expecting him to sleep over. I honestly and naively thought we would continue the rest of our conversation over tea and in the comfort of a living room instead of in his car. Wrong. We didn't.

Instead he stood at the foot of my bed and fumbled with my iPod and speakers until Usher's smooth voice flowed through the speakers. It was awkward. I waited by my door and started to regret inviting him up.

"Do you want to play Words With Friends?" he asked.
"Um." I checked my Blackberry for the time. "Why not. It's not too late."

After 2 hours of playing, he finally announced that he was tired. FINALLY! He was going to leave. Wrong again. He wanted to cuddle.

Blah blah blah. Foreplay. Clothes come off. More foreplay. Condom. More foreplay. Blah blah blah.

As "OMG" by Usher comes on, he thrusts himself inside me. Once. And stops. I ask him what's wrong but I could tell. Then it's all over. I promise you, Usher just started saying "I did it agaiiiiin," and this guy was already done.

I give him credit; he kept trying, for my sake I suppose, but nothing happened. I felt sorry for him, but at the same time--I was losing sleep because this guy refused to give up. He could've just laid beside me and knocked out. No, that might've been just as bad. After I threw my clothes on, I quickly ushered him out and told him I'd call him. All the while, he apologized profusely. I couldn't look him in the eye. I really, really felt embarrassed for him. But moreso, I was kind of annoyed. I'm allowed to be annoyed right?

8 seconds. Eight. Seconds. lesigh.

At least I was beat him in Words with Friends twice.