On Peeing in My Boyfriend's Bed.

I groggily walk into the bathroom. I pull down my panties, lift my shirt up to my waist and sit on the cold toilet seat. Cold, because it's that season again. The season where leaves dry up and fall from their heights. The season where you can keep your bedroom window open without worrying about the heating bill because you can just burrito-wrap yourself under your covers and stay wa--oh shit. warm? why is it so warm. why are my hands so warm and wet. WET! WHY ARE MY HANDS WET!?

* * *
I woke up and realized it was just a dream. I'd just emptied half my bladder onto my boyfriend's bed.

Instead of waking him up, I ran for the bathroom. Before emptying the rest of my bladder, I slapped myself a couple times to make sure I was really awake.

Humiliation rushed over my body and I started to sweat profusely.

When was the last time I peed in bed? I think it was after a horrible breakup. And before that? Probably in college during finals. I remember having problems during high school too. I was a really stressed out and high strung kid.

* * *
When you pee in your own bed, there's a secrecy between you and your mattress and your bedroom walls. You'll silently walk down your hallway to the bathroom to discard any evidence your nearly-potty-trained-inner-child has left behind. But when you pee in another's bed, no matter how much self esteem you may have, your nearly-potty-trained-inner-child has beaten you and even if the bed's owner never finds out, you're still shamed.

I admit, I thought about putting the blame on my boyfriend. HA-HAA!!!

* * *
He was in the same position I had left him. Whew, I thought, Maybe I didn't pee that much. Maybe he didn't feel it and that's why he hasn't woken up. I changed and sat down on his bed to pat the area I had slept on to make sure it was safe to lay down again.

But then I felt it. Damp and lukewarm, underneath his slumbering body. I began to frantically push and pull him over onto his back, away from the wet spot. And of course, it was impossible. I turned on the lights and began calling out his name. Quietly at first, but then more earnestly.

"L! L!! L!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WAKE UP! I PEED. I PEEEED!!!"
"Huh...? Wha...?"
"HUN, I PEED ON THE BED!!!"
"What...what's wrong?"
"I PEED ON THE BED! GET UP!!"
"...!! WHAT THE WHAAT!?!?" He jumped off the bed, eyes wide open, face bewildered.
"I PEED ON THE BED! HERE!" I patted the wet area on his bed like a child.

We silently looked at the circle of shame that took up the entire middle part of his bed. Finally, he sat down on the edge of his bed and laughed. I crawled over to him and laid down next to him. I WAS SOO TIRED.

"You're just going to go back to sleep without taking off the sheets?!?!?!?" He asked.

I was disgusted with myself, BUT DANG YO, HOMEGIRL IS HELLA TIRED OK!? WHY YOU EVEN YELLING AT ME?!?! IT'S FRIGGIN' 6AM!

Instead, I got back up as he stood up with his blanket and watched as I removed the tainted sheet.

As we fell back asleep on a dry corner of his bed, he held me tightly and said, "See? My bed is so comfy you don't even want to get up to go pee." I fell asleep thinking...wait, how many times has he peed on this bed because he was too lazy to get up?

* * *
I woke up, deathly sick, later that day. And he took care of me. Even though I had peed all over his bed the morning earlier. When I asked him if I could write about this, he consented.


I don't really know what the future has in store for us, but I know for sure that there may or may not be adult diapers in my future.