I recently turned 25.
I wish I could share a really profound life lesson I've learned in the past 25 years, but I'd be spewing cliche shit out of my butt all day. Instead, I really just want to share the best thing that's ever happened to me. And it's that there is more to Sunday mornings than church. There's boozy brunch. And it's the bomb.
* * *
1. Silence is truly golden.
2. Credit does not mean cash.
3. Never meddle in other people's business.
4. Moisturize the fuck out of your face, daily. Gravity ain't kind.
5. Also, old people weren't lying about how metabolism goes to shit once you're in your mid-late twenties. Eat healthy and get a gym buddy to keep you accountable so your body can stay tight.
6. Lose your pride and let your qualified friends rip apart your resume and/or help you set financial goals. Real friends won't judge you. Real friends will also make sure you aren't digging yourself into deeper holes.
7. Call or visit your mother at least once a week, even if she hangs up on you or tells you she's too busy to see you.
8. Thread count matters. Invest in quality sheets.
9. Meet everybody you can. Make many acquaintances. Accidentally make a few enemies. Make even fewer friends.
10. Then spend all your free time with those fewer friends and develop a very close knit relationship with each of them. These are people who you choose to be your family.
11. Make sure that your digital footprint isn't incriminating. But don't Google yourself so often because if you were that important, you wouldn't have time to Google yourself.
12. When people tell you that reading is stupid, tell them their face brain is ugly.
13. Relationships won't always work out. So when they don't, let your heart break and allow yourself to heal even if it takes time. (I learned more about what I wanted and what I didn't want during this process than when I was in an actual relationship.)
14. Don't laugh when a guy cries. Just let him finish crying and vow to yourself you'll never speak to him again.
15. No really means no.
16. Work that body out in case there's a zombie apocalypse. Because nobody loves you enough to carry you around. And if there isn't ever a zombie apocalypse, at least you'll look good nekkid.
17. Say 'no' when you aren't interested in going or doing something with somebody you don't want to spend time with. Don't waste their time. And more importantly, don't waste your time.
18. Know the difference between lust and love.
19. It's a numbers game: Go on a lot of first dates because, why not. Go on fewer second dates because you have standards. Rarely go on third dates because you're not ready to give up being single (hahahaa I kid!! I'm still sort of figuring this one out).
20. WebMD is the devil.
21. Living paycheck to paycheck is depressing so only do it in your early 20Ds when you can blame it on your student loans.
22. Develop an unhealthy addiction to a Facebook game (like Candy Crush) so you can tell people the truth when you say that you don't use Facebook to stalk others.
23. The only time anybody should be allowed to ugly-girl cry is when they're alone. Or when they are in the company of their drunk girl friends.
24. There is no shame in not being where your 18-year-old-self thought she wanted to be. That little twat didn't know diddly squat about the world back then.
25. There is also no shame in not having and achieving the same things as your peers (as Facebook would show). Come to terms with the fact that you're living a completely different life from them and that you are leading a completely different journey. There's absolutely no reason for you to get caught up with comparing yourself to anybody.
Labels: 25, boozy brunch is the best, i hate making lists because i think they're cop-out posts but this was necessary, most importantly--be kind