On My Tumors. And Allergies.

"I have the worst headache ever," I complain.
"Do you have Advil? Are you dehydrated? Did you eat?" He questions and then examines my eyes, nose, mouth, and ears to make sure I won't combust.
"...I feel like death. What if I have an aneurysm?"
"......"
"From a tumor?"
"..."
"And I die."
"Noooo!!!" He screams and shakes me by the shoulders.
I slump over onto his shoulder and hold my breath to mimic a dead person.
"I think you're exaggerating. You don't have an aneurysm. And it's extremely unlikely."

Then he holds my hand and pulls me along, addressing my pain-noises by squeezing my hand.

Variations of this conversation, including eyeball cancer, stomach tumors, and ankle tumors, happen at least once a week and he always plays along but I don't think he, or anybody, actually takes me seriously. I could have a tumor. And die. It could happen to anybody.

Fine, I'm a drama queen and the title is a little extremely misleading but I don't care.

This year, I have probably, most likely, developed allergies. (I hypothesize that I am allergic to spring.) On Sunday I thought I would leak out all the fluids in my body. Which would in turn, cause a tumor to grow and make me die. I Googled this and clicked on the first link. Because that's how I Google-search, betch. This article and its studies may be more than 2 years old but it didn't stop me from reading it. The only thing I really took away:

“People with allergies seem to have less cancer or have fewer different cancer types than patients who don’t have allergies,” says Engkilde. “The reason for this is uncertain but it might have to do with the immune surveillance theory, which speculates that patients with allergies may have a more ready and observant immune system that could lead to earlier detection of cancerous cells.”

TL;DR version: You can still get tumors/cancers whether or not you have allergies. And possibly die.

But that is all besides the point. I suddenly have so much more sympathy for my friends who have been suffering from allergies. My deepest and most sincerest apologies for being such a douchewad when seasons turned on you and I would guilt trip you into coming to hang out even after you refused through five different social media platforms because your allergies were killing you. Sorry.

I'm not a hypochondriac. I'm just prepared.