On Sharing Food With Your Significant Other.

I don't know how other couples do it. When L and I go out to eat and we decide to split something, it never ends well. Usually, I end up letting him eat more because ...well somebody has to piggy back my lazy face home. And that person needs all the energy he can get. But if we decide to get two dishes, he'll either devour both of the dishes or we will have leftovers that goes to waste because we forget about it in the fridge.

Either way, I'm hungry and he gets hungry by the time we find his car to go on our next adventure. No one ever really wins.

* * *
The first time L and I met, we shared a mac and cheese. More specifically, a mac and cheese with lobster. It still is the single most delicious thing either of us has ever tasted. Heavenly good. So good it would've been possible for both of us to die because our lives would've been completed. (I like to think that it's the most delicious thing we've tasted because the day I we entered his life each other's lives was a game-changer and it enhanced the way we saw the world and tasted foods was suddenly so much more enjoyable. hahahahhaa aaah...)

We would have also shared fries but the bartender said that they didn't have any.

I distinctly remember taking a bite of the scrumptious mac and cheese before returning to try to convince the bartender that they should and could make fries for me. My logic was that since their menu offered baked potato, their kitchen was more than equipped to make fries. It's basically the same thing. All they needed to do was cut up the potato and use a deep fryer but he just shook his head and told me they couldn't make fries. Maybe they didn't have knives.

I may or may not have made a big deal out of it.

I eventually gave up and decided all that talk wasn't worth anything. When I returned my attention to the lobster mac and cheese, it was gone. So gone that the plate it came in didn't even have any grease left. I dragged my fork across the plate to try and scour any leftover grease or cheesy lobster bits but it was literally demolished.

I looked at L and he looked at me and then he shrugged. He shrugged at me. HE SHRUGGED. With the hugest puppy eyes and pouty lips I've ever seen on a man. It was like he knew he had done something wrong without the intention of making me upset and he didn't know how to diffuse the situation because it was the first time we were hanging out.

This should have been a sign that homeboy has a black hole in his stomach and that I should have stayed away if I didn't want to die of starvation. But of course, me being me, I couldn't. Those lips!

Inside, I was seething. I was starving and seething. I wanted to stab his eyeballs with my fork. But I didn't. Instead, I think I started crying and to try to hide my tears, I ordered a round of drinks to hide my sadness...and hunger. I think he ended up drinking both our drinks.

* * *
I've tried to keep up. I think I do a pretty decent job but sometimes I just give up and let him consume everything. Like Kirby. That's literally how he eats and drinks. He inhales everything. Everything.


We've come to a semi-compromise. We each order what we both want to eat and when it comes out, we give the other person just a little bit of what we ordered and then we race to see who eats the quickest. He usually wins and then he'll sit beside me and stare at my plate of food and keep ordering drinks for himself. I usually push my plate towards him and tell him (in my Mortal Kombat voice) to "finish him it." (Which btw, didn't you hate it when you were able to "FINISH HIM" and you tried to do a combo but then you just end up low-kicking or punching your opponent? Ugh.)


And when I'm REALLY hungry, I've even ordered food that contains things he's allergic to or doesn't like eating just so he won't touch anything on my plate. Whatever people, you would too if you wanted to survive.