My Baby Brother Talks About Wi-Fi.

My siblings and I bought my baby brother a tablet for his birthday in May. We talked last night on the phone and this is what came of it.

C: Did you know Dad deleted the wi-fi?
Me: Yeah, I heard...how're you holding up?
C: Holding up?
Me: Uh...how are you doing without wi-fi?
C: It sucks dude.
Me: Why?? Do you use wi-fi that often?
C: YES! I need it for Minecraft!
Me: Is that all you use it for?
C: Well...I watch Youtube...
Me: ...........
C: And I also download apps.
Me: Well, I think there are other things you can do without wi-fi.
C: Like what?
Me: You could read...
C: My Kindle app doesn't work without wi-fi though...
Me: Read...an actual paper book?
C: Like a real book? Ew.

LAWLS. LAWLS. What in the world. I'm responsible for creating this technology-monster. A couple of things:

1. I love when he refers to getting rid of or closing something, he says "deletes ..." What a cutie!

2. I also love that he's still young enough not to understand idioms yet. Everything is literal to him.

3. Instead of calling it the internet, he calls it "wi-fi." He pauses between wi and fi as if to signify the hyphen between the two syllables.

4. It worries me, however, that at the young age of 7, he can navigate around Youtube. What else on the interwebz can he navigate??

5. It worries me even MORE, that he knows how to download apps. Is he only downloading the free ones? And if not, who's footing the bill for app downloads???

6. You can totally read on your Kindle without the internet.

7. It broke my heart into a billion pieces when he said "ew" to actual paper books. He's lucky he's cute and of my own flesh and blood.

On Barbie Legs.

Most days I'm comfortable in my skin. But then there are days I wake up and I'm like...oh good lord what's wrong with my face/stomach/back/arms/eyes/ears? Am I the only one who goes through this?

Sometimes I don't feel as good as I want to, about my body image. It's partially the media's fault for making me think that I have to have X, Y, and Z but I know it's ultimately my own fault that I'm not keeping myself in the kind of shape I want to be in.

However, there are always those rare days when I feel like a million bucks.

Oh, I woke up and you didn't have bags under my eyes? FUCK YES.
Oh, my pores are super small today? HIGH FUCKEN FIVE YO!
Having a great hair day? TOOK A BILLION SELFIES TO REMIND MYSELF HOW AWESOMESAUCE MY HAIR CAN BE. (Which is rarely. Ask anybody.)
The same jeans that I couldn't fit into yesterday, somehow miraculously fit today? NEVER TAKE DEM JEANS OFF!

* * *
I was waiting my turn at a bar during happy hour, trying to get my whiskey ginger fix when this happens:

"HEY! BARBIE LEGS!"

I swear to baby-jeebus, heads swiveled so quickly, you could hear necks snapping. Including my own neck. Why? Because WHAT THE HELL? WHO DOES THAT? We were all looking around and at each other like idiots because we didn't what to make of it.

"YEAH! BARBIE LEGS!"

Most people quickly lost interest and turned their attention back to the bartender. But me, of course, I didn't. My eyes turned down to the legs beside me at the bar. I wanted see Barbie legs! Were they life-size? Was the body on top of the Barbie legs just as Barbie-like as her legs?!!?!? I wanted to see!!!

"Girl. You silly. Whatchu lookin' for? ...barbielegs..."

He stood at my side. The girl beside me looked at him and then at me and then down at my legs. Oh. ME?!?!?! I'M BARBIE LEGS?!!?

I turned away from them and the bar. As I slowly walked back to my friends, he shouted, "DON'T BE ASHAMED, GIRL. YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT." But I wasn't ashamed! I was just...at a loss for words.

On the outside, I felt this:

On the inside:

And the rest of the night:

And hell yeah, it definitely made me feel good.