Dear Future XM,

It's not about where you ended up, but how you got there.

I don't care how cliche it is, it's true. When I return to NYC from anywhere, I walk a lot slower than everybody else. I take more time to order my meals. I stand on the escalators instead of rushing up or down them. If a train is packed, I sometimes wait for the next one or I hop onto the local train across the platform. Some people may get annoyed by this, but sometimes I need that time to adjust to the push and shove mentality of most New Yorkers.

I don't want to arrive by fire, burning everything in my pathway. I want to plant and nourish relationships. I want to fail here and there. I want some sweet victories. I want to take my time.

RIP Grandma - You are the epitome of endurance. You lived a good long, full life. I'm so very proud of you.
RIP Mira - Four years; we still remember.

Love,
Young and naive XM

Save Your Secrets.

Save all your thoughts and secrets for me.

I want to know every single one of them. Be at ease; know that you're not alone and that I'll like you whatever way you are and wherever you may have come from. Whisper them to me in the dead of night. Shout them from the highest of heights. Let them echo from wells that run deep. Your secrets, I want to keep. I want to know of your crafted worlds. I want to be a part of them as much as I want to be a part of your present, your reality. I want to love every last bit of you, whether you think it's good or bad.

Then when your secrets are safe with me, lock me up and hide me away from those who you are guarded from. Protect me like how I'd protect your secrets. It'll be a perpetual process of protecting you, protecting me. It'll be you and me against the world.

I want to be your secret keeper.

On Lost Salvation.

Heads and eyes bowed in reverence. My eyes, wide open focused forward towards the pulpit. A man with outstretched arms had words meant to bring peace. But my heart did not feel peace. Not there. I wondered if these people around me truly felt peace. And if they did, what was wrong with me for not feeling the same peace right then and there.

I sang along with them. I knew the melodies, the words. I knew what they were supposed to mean, but to me they felt empty and hollow. In my life, they no longer held the value they used to hold.

I'm quite sure you exist. I mean, I've felt Your presence once before, not too long ago when I was young. But those thoughts, feelings, and values no longer hold the same meaning they once did.

Have I fallen?
Was I ever true?

Sinful. Sinful. Sinful. Intruder.
And all the others pass me, unaware that I have been taken away.

How can I feel so wrong, when everything I am makes me feel so real?