On Tying Shoelaces.

Fellow Commuter: Miss, your shoe is untied.
Me: *looks down at shoe* Oh...right. Thanks.
Fellow Commuter: Aren't you going to tie it?
Me: Um.........no, not right now.

Two stops later.

Fellow Commuter: I'm sorry, it's just going to bother me.
Me: ..........Sorry? I can...move?
Fellow Commuter: Or you could just tie it.
Me: *smiles*
Fellow Commuter: Or if you don't mind, I could.
Me: It's really alright... (translates to: NO NO NO TIE MY SHOE. OFFER ONE MORE TIME!)
Fellow Commuter: Are you sure? It's just...it'll bother me.
Me: Um...sure, I guess. (translates to: YES YES YES YES YES YES!)

Then he actually knelt down to tie my commuter sneaker (it was the right one if you really have to know). Although I probably looked indifferent, I was psyched that my shoe was being tied. FINALLYYYYY!!! My shoe was finally being tied after a week of nonsensical flopping around.

Sure, it was pretty weird that a random person on the train had a compulsive need to tie my shoe, but whatever. The only people who have tied my shoes are: my parents, my close friends, and boyfriends. In essence, people who love me who don't want to see me hurt myself who don't want to walk around with another adult whose shoelaces are whipping their own legs.

But, why couldn't I just tie my own shoe like any other responsible adult? Well, to put it frankly, I just can't. Even when I've tried to mimic the movements of other people who teach me to tie my shoes, it doesn't turn out the same. Then I get too nervous trying to not get my fingers stuck in between the knots.

I have no excuse. I am a pretty pathetic person. I learned how to tie my shoes when I was a kid just like the rest of you, I'm sure. I've just forgotten and no it's not like riding a bike. I stopped wearing laced shoes in college when I no longer cared about how I looked because classes were just down the hall from my dorm room. Countless friends and boyfriends have attempted to teach me but the holes just don't go into the bunnies...or the bunnies don't go into the holes? Or over the under holes. I don't know.

Until I learn how to tie my shoes, these are some permanent solutions I've thought of using: Velcro shoes. A kindergartner who is obsessed with tying shoelaces. Stuffing the shoelaces into my shoes so it doesn't flop around (this also gives others the illusion that my laces are tied and I'm not an incompetent adult).

When I Realized the World Didn't Revolve Around Me.

There comes a time in most people's lives when they realize they are not the center of the universe. For me, it was traumatizing. I was barely 5. (This is one of my earliest memories and probably my first experience self-awareness.)

It was after school and I was watching Power Rangers. I loved Power Rangers. I would sit myself down in front of the TV everyday after school and watch Power Rangers. I'd watch it SO HARD. But not that day. That day my mom had to run some errands and she wasn't about to leave her children home alone with their brains to rot in front of the TV.

In her final efforts to get me away from the TV, she told me, "The TV will still be there when you get back." And with that, she won me over. My 5-year-old brain thought, Duh! Why hadn't I thought of that?! Of course Power Rangers would still be on. They live in the TV. And if the TV stays here in our living room, of course Power Rangers will still be on when I get back.

Where we went and what we did, I don't remember. It was unimportant to my 5-year-old-self.

Once we got home, I ran to turn on the TV, only to realize that the news was on and NOT the Power Rangers. I frantically pushed the buttons on the TV. I looked behind, under, and on top of the TV just to make sure that there were no cracks for the Power Rangers to escape. (While I'm writing this, I'm realizing how weird of a child I really was.)

5-year-old-me: Where are the Power Rangers?
Mom: What are you talking about?
5-year-old-me: The Power Rangers! You said that they'd be here.
Mom: No, I said that the TV would be there. You can watch the Power Rangers tomorrow.
5-year-old-me: But, why?
Mom: I don't know. They're just not playing it right now, I guess.
5-year-old-me: But, why!?!

I don't remember crying but I remember the feeling of being let down and realizing that things move on without me. When, in my 5-year-old mind, nothing should move on without me because I'm not there to experience it.

ENTIRE UNIVERSE: SHATTERED.

From then on, I was a changed child. It was also then that I gave up watching the Power Rangers. If they weren't going to wait for me, then I surely would not give them any of my time.

I guess that's how I've seen most of my relationships. Double-edged sword? Ugh. Therapy, much? Haha kidding.