There comes a time in most people's lives when they realize they are not the center of the universe. For me, it was traumatizing. I was barely 5. (This is one of my earliest memories and probably my first experience self-awareness.)
It was after school and I was watching Power Rangers. I loved Power Rangers. I would sit myself down in front of the TV everyday after school and watch Power Rangers. I'd watch it SO HARD. But not that day. That day my mom had to run some errands and she wasn't about to leave her children home alone with their brains to rot in front of the TV.
In her final efforts to get me away from the TV, she told me, "The TV will still be there when you get back." And with that, she won me over. My 5-year-old brain thought, Duh! Why hadn't I thought of that?! Of course Power Rangers would still be on. They live in the TV. And if the TV stays here in our living room, of course Power Rangers will still be on when I get back.
Where we went and what we did, I don't remember. It was unimportant to my 5-year-old-self.
Once we got home, I ran to turn on the TV, only to realize that the news was on and NOT the Power Rangers. I frantically pushed the buttons on the TV. I looked behind, under, and on top of the TV just to make sure that there were no cracks for the Power Rangers to escape. (While I'm writing this, I'm realizing how weird of a child I really was.)
5-year-old-me: Where are the Power Rangers?
Mom: What are you talking about?
5-year-old-me: The Power Rangers! You said that they'd be here.
Mom: No, I said that the TV would be there. You can watch the Power Rangers tomorrow.
5-year-old-me: But, why?
Mom: I don't know. They're just not playing it right now, I guess.
5-year-old-me: But, why!?!
I don't remember crying but I remember the feeling of being let down and realizing that things move on without me. When, in my 5-year-old mind, nothing should move on without me because I'm not there to experience it.
ENTIRE UNIVERSE: SHATTERED.
From then on, I was a changed child. It was also then that I gave up watching the Power Rangers. If they weren't going to wait for me, then I surely would not give them any of my time.
I guess that's how I've seen most of my relationships. Double-edged sword? Ugh. Therapy, much? Haha kidding.
Labels: childhood memories, i'm really not that weird of a kid because i'm sure all kids were just as weird if not weirder than me, power rangers, self-awareness