My Love-Hate Relationship With Motion Sensors.

I have a love-hate relationship with motion sensors. Mostly because when I need them to work, they don't.

I once lived in a building which had a motion sensors located on each floor to activate the ceiling lights. It was also a walk-up.

One winter night, I got home and stood in the first floor hallway in pitch blackness for a good two minutes and thought, "hmm...why haven't the lights turned on? Can't the motion sensor sense that I'm here?" Then I started panicking and thought: AWFRUCK. Zombies chewed through the electrical wiring and now they're waiting on the stairs to smash my brains out.

I had to pee. I couldn't just stand there. I had to brave the dark stairway where potential zombies were probably waiting to feast on me. (The zombies I usually conjure up are fast and strong--thank you, I Am Legend.)

So, I ascended the stairs with my eyes squeezed shut, my head cocked back and sideways, and my arms flailing violently into the dark empty space in front of me.

Halfway up, I felt like a ninja. You know--because the sensors couldn't pick up the motion made by my stealth-like flailing arms. Then three-quarters of the way up, I felt like a ghost. Because the only thing that sensors can't detect are...ninjas and ghosts.

After flailing my arms for three flights, the motion sensor finally picked up my movement and the light turned on. In front of my apartment. Useless. WTFBRO. I banged up my shins, smashed the side of my face into walls, and made my heart pound out of my body...FOR NOTHING!!??!? Useless!

PS - This probably would have been more awesome if I had narrated in comic-strip form. But, alas, I cannot draw to save my life.