I hate when you watch me sleep.
Sometimes I can't wake from my dreams. I want them to end so badly. I'll run and run and run, hoping to reach the end of my mind, just to find myself at the edge of a body of water. No matter where my brain is or the images and people my brain projects, there will always be a body of water. Here, I make one of two decisions: to either run along the edge of the water or to dive in. I cannot swim. I'm almost certain my dream-self cannot swim. And for the past 20-some-odd years, I've always opted to keep running. I always run from the night terrors that I know will reach me if I do not run fast enough.
Last night, I was tired of running. Finally, I pushed back my fears of drowning and dove into the body of water.
I began to sink only to find myself on shore again. Running again. Still running. Always running.
On nights I cannot escape from my own mind, you know you can't do anything so you hold me and wait for it to pass. One day, I hope you are strong enough to just let me go.
Labels: dream-self, running, you can't drown in your dreams