My Love-Hate Relationship With Motion Sensors.

I have a love-hate relationship with motion sensors. Mostly because when I need them to work, they don't.

I once lived in a building which had a motion sensors located on each floor to activate the ceiling lights. It was also a walk-up.

One winter night, I got home and stood in the first floor hallway in pitch blackness for a good two minutes and thought, "hmm...why haven't the lights turned on? Can't the motion sensor sense that I'm here?" Then I started panicking and thought: AWFRUCK. Zombies chewed through the electrical wiring and now they're waiting on the stairs to smash my brains out.

I had to pee. I couldn't just stand there. I had to brave the dark stairway where potential zombies were probably waiting to feast on me. (The zombies I usually conjure up are fast and strong--thank you, I Am Legend.)

So, I ascended the stairs with my eyes squeezed shut, my head cocked back and sideways, and my arms flailing violently into the dark empty space in front of me.

Halfway up, I felt like a ninja. You know--because the sensors couldn't pick up the motion made by my stealth-like flailing arms. Then three-quarters of the way up, I felt like a ghost. Because the only thing that sensors can't detect are...ninjas and ghosts.

After flailing my arms for three flights, the motion sensor finally picked up my movement and the light turned on. In front of my apartment. Useless. WTFBRO. I banged up my shins, smashed the side of my face into walls, and made my heart pound out of my body...FOR NOTHING!!??!? Useless!

PS - This probably would have been more awesome if I had narrated in comic-strip form. But, alas, I cannot draw to save my life.

On Quality Women.

I'm not originally from New York and while it's true that it's very easy to meet people here, that's where it ends: you just meet. There isn't too much depth past the initial encounter. Yes, they're fun and mildly interesting. But that's where it stops. Everyone has a different agenda. Many are comfortable with the group of friends they already have. Some aren't interested in making new ones. Others just don't have the time. Whatever the reason, they only become acquaintances. There is never any depth to those relationships. While there is nothing wrong with that, one can only go so long with having only acquaintances. It's easy to meet a great quantity of people, but hard to keep great, quality people.

There's a need to establish something more real when you are in this city where it can (surprise, surprise) get lonely and discouraging. It's nothing any boyfriend or comfort food or alcohol or dancing can fill.

The group of women I have surrounded myself with, come from all kinds of different walks of life. They're from all over and work in different industries. I know without a doubt they will be there when I call. They don't feel burdened if I ever need some of their time. They encourage and challenge me to grow and be a better person instead of being content with complacency. They nudge me to the end of my boundaries but let me make my own decisions. They do not pass judgement but are they are not indifferent. When there's something I want to hear, they know exactly what to say without omitting honesty. It doesn't always make me feel good about myself, but what matters is that they are not building me up for false greatness.

I know that wherever our lives may take us, I can always turn to these women and know they have some kind of insight to share with me. I know that they expect the same from me. It isn't everyday that you meet women who want to see and help you succeed and overcome your weaknesses.

To the ladies of my life: Thank you for never being filtered when sharing your thoughts and opinions. I love that you all run around town causing chaos with me, but know when to sit down and play board games with me while we discuss our lives and ideas and inventions we have. I love that you all want to share your life with me by sharing your dreams and hopes, as well as your failures and insecurities with me. I hope that I can be the best kind of friend that I can be to you, as you have been for me.

My Inner Fat Girl is on Time Out.

This past weekend, my friend says, "We should make a pact. Let's get rid of this." Then she proceeded to grab the non-existent fat around her stomach area. I agreed. What did I have to lose? This will all go towards my well-being.

I was super pumped for it. I scoured the interwebz for recipes. I looked up exercise circuits I could follow to trim down and tone up. I even found pictures of flat bellies to motivate me. I WAS PUMPED.

Ugh.

Day 2 of clean eating and I'm ready to give up. My flesh is so damn weak. I walked past Starbucks and couldn't help but see the muffins. They were screaming out to me: LOVE ME! LOVE MEEEEEE! I love muffin tops. They're the best and they make everything in the world better. I buckled. I'm weak and I have no self-control.

When I got to my desk and I couldn't bring myself to look at the muffin, let alone the bag that held it. I'm too proud to fail and admit weakness. So I left the bag unopened by my computer.

Two hours later (as I'm writing this post): I've succumb and opened the bag. I licked the muffin top. I couldn't bring myself to eat it. I chucked it. I FEEL SO DIRTY ENJOYING THAT LICK OF GLORY. So I'm putting my inner fat girl on time out. She's been reckless.

hashtag-firstworldproblems

Re: Day 4 of 7.

Did a little digging through my old posts and found this: Day 4 of 7.

"This doesn't go to say, that I want to fight with you. I don't. I would much rather not, but when and if we ever do--and you can still honestly be madly in love with me, then I have to have you." 

I had forgotten I wrote this post almost an entire year ago. Ultimately, the same reason why I loved was the same reason I decided to leave.

You live, you sometimes fall in love, you hurt, you learn, you move on, and one day you'll heal. It's all about getting out alive right? Sure, but I think one of the most important things is that you learn to love yourself and know what's good for you from what's not. And the only way you learn is to make a few mistakes here and there, even if that means having your heart broken (or breaking your own heart) a few times.

On Burning Out.

I know that the delay in posting probably screams that I've been busy, but I feel like this is the right time to take a few minutes out of my day to write. It's already the middle of May. I can't believe there's almost only half a year left.

I haven't found made any time for myself. I should say "no" more often but part of me enjoys being kept busy. Another part knows that I'm spreading myself too thinly and that I will probably burn out. I suppose for me, burning out completely isn't necessarily a bad thing. I've always figured that when I burn out, it's good because I can always start the next day anew. So far, that's always been the case.

I do miss writing and blogging, and I hope I can come back to it soon enough. There are many things I want to write about and share, I just need to make the time for it.