CB: Would you ever date guy shorter than you?
Me: No. But it's difficult to meet guys taller than me.
AR: What are you talking about?!
CB: Yeah, you're short as hell. How tall are you anyway?
Me: I'm 5'4".
AR: How is it even possible to meet a guy shorter than YOU?
Me: mumbles something about not really being short for an Asian girl
CB: Um, have you met your guy friends? Most of us are clearing 6 feet.
Me: Yeah, but to me, you guys are short...
AR: What the hell?! So you want to be with a guy who's 7 fucking feet 3?
In my defense, I may have this a grandeur delusion perception of myself. More often than not, when I'm next to anybody taller than me, I will feel as if we're the same height if not taller than them. I can't explain why or how my brain justifies this.
This doesn't only apply to height.
Exhibit A:
My super-human strength: I have a dresser in my living room that needs to be removed. In my mind, I can do it by myself but every time I try to get the task done (by myself), I can't even push it into the doorway. I've pulled arm and leg muscles trying to MOVE the damn thing. Instead of dealing with it, I've left it for another day, just to be faced with the same problem when I go back to it.
Exhibit B:
My amazing alcohol tolerance: I think I'm always on god-status. And 90% of the time, it's true. I think I can throw down like nobody's business and be peachy-gory hangover-free the next morning but when I declare that I can drink like a tank, it's a disaster. I lose all control of motor and speech skills. I become one of those collapsible toys you had when you were a kid. It's as if I have no joints in my body to hold itself up. After nights of self-proclaimed awesomeness, I usually end up with a hangover the size of Canada.
Exhibit C:
My immortality, or lack of: Sometimes I'm think I'm the lovechild of Wolverine. Minus the claws. You see, my body heals like magic. I sometimes feel invincible. Of course, my delusion of grandeur makes me forget that I am still human and I can't ever heal as quickly or completely as Wolverine. Once, I twisted my ankle while running in heels. It healed nicely the first time. The second time I twisted it running in heels again but this time on cobblestone, it stayed swollen for months.
No matter how many times it might be revealed to me that I'm not as great as my mind makes it out to be, I will still wake up in the morning thinking I am the bomb-dizzle. There's really no need to call me short because I won't believe you.
Labels: god-status, i'm not short, wolverine